if u don't exist, i may have less of such feelings.
Seriously, many many people have labeled me as a person who has no feelings..oR a person who's always happy. But i'm normal. I do have feelings. Not that they don't exist, they are carefully hidden. Hidden in a place to be forgotten if the feelings are negative.. and hidden so that no one knows if the feelings are embarrassing.
Recently i have noticed something. I'm not good at hiding feelings anymore like i used to be..or maybe i'm just tired of hiding them. (I'm posting my feelings to my not-so-secret-diary now, so wht do u think?)
As fast as I can smile to someone... As easy as I can say 'yes' to someone's request..
i am also easily jealous of someone, easily irritated by irrational reason and most important i can be distracted really easily. Like, i should be focusing on my books now, looking at the long list below.
i wonder what has happened to me
Like yesterday when Kak almas shows me something. It's really2 disturbing. I kept thinking of what i've seen..and my effort now. Truthfully, I haven't done as much as what they had which explains my position right now. After all life is like a big wheel, u'r up if u work hard + lucky and u can be at the lowest position if u get distracted. This is my life and i make decision for myself. Therefore, I AM the one who's responsible for the consequences caused. who else can i blame anyway...
Will i achieve my dreams? Is my determination still strong??
I'm starting to have doubts. I HOPE ALL THESE DOUBTS WILL FADE, SOON.
Ramadhan oh ramadhan, make the best out of us.
Ya Allah, please ya allah, strengthen our determination for success. Let our hearts, our thoughts, and our actions be directed just for you. Only u ya allah, that i love most.
P/s: I admit that i'm manja at certain groups of people that I love but I'm definitely not mengada-ngada. If i want something, i work hard, i pray. My jealousy level is very high, i know. Thanks to jealousy i kept pushing myself.
